Who I Love Or Who Loves Me
by FrozenCrimsonCroissant
Summary: Who should I choose? My dream love that loves another or the one that knocks on my heart. All I wish is to love and be repaid likewise.


Who will I love? You, my dream love or Him, who knocks on my heart.

I am Sumire Shouda and I would like to ask for your help. I am a sixteen year-old teen who is engaged in an emotional war. There are two boys in my life. One, Natsume Hyuuga, a long-time friend of mine and my first love. The second, Kokoro Yome, class clown and also my bestfriend.

For years since I was ten, I have loved Natsume. I acted as a fangirl. Then she came. Mikan Sakura came. She became his light. I saw him smile more often. I was fine with watching in the sidelines. My jealousy I would push unto her by joking threats and playful banters. I could not grow to hate her who own his heart. She was too bright for me. Her light shone to us all. She was able to turn my hate into a new kind of feeling. I grew fond of her. And I knew then that I could not replace her place in his heart.

For years ever since we were still toddlers, Koko had been there for me already. He was my childhood bestfriend. He was the class clown. We certainly did not get along at first since I was too blunt while he was too secretive. I was the person who changed him. Every time I had problems, he was the person who I run to for comfort. I am not a dense girl and I am also not arrogant. I had noticed subtle signs that Koko had feelings for me. Of course being the denial queen, I denied it and insisted that it was just his affection **towards** me as a best friend.

When we were ten, Koko knew how deeply I loved Natsume. He would joke his feelings to me to distract me from my ogling at Natsume. I would always brush him off but he would greet me with a grin always. When we were twelve, Mikan came and my chance with Natsume that was at five percent dropped to zero. She may have been idiotic and clumsy but Natsume grew fond of her in time. In time also, we noticed awkward situations of Natsume and Mikan wherein we tease them and they end up blushing. My admiration for her grew, she was able to crack open Natsume's heart. She had changed him into a better person. When we reached fifteen, he started being agressive. Teasing Mikan lovingly. One day they came to the classroom together and they were holding hands. We knew what it meant immediately. Being the good friend I put on a smile and congratulated them.

Koko of course being the class clown distracted the class with some joke then when everyone was preoccupied he dragged me outside the classroom and behind the school where no one would see us. When we reached the spot, he grabbed me into his arms and told me it's okay to cry if it hurts. I cried in Koko's arms. When classes returned, I stayed more silent than usual. And I placed fake smiles on my face. Koko had accompanied me to my dorm room. Once again I shed tears.

As I was crying, I managed to hear his words even though they were faint mumbles against my sobs.

"Stop crying will you? I am hurt seeing you like this. Please return the old Sumire. The one I love."

I hugged him tighter then which I guess startled him but he continued patting my head and cooing soft words of encouragement. It was midnight when I had managed to calm down. Koko had to sleep on a mat on the floor since it was past curfew after all. The next morning, I felt much lighter and Koko waited for me in front of my room. He stayed by my side for the whole week.

One unexpected day, just two months after I turned sixteen. He pulled me away from the gang on lunch. He had such a serious face and being the goofy joker as he is, I deducted that he was downright serious. His words still ring on my ear.

"Sumire, I know your heart is still hurt after Mikan and Natsume got together. I have kept at bay my feelings for you since I knew how deeply you loved Natsume. But now, I can't hold it in anymore." He looked at me directly in the eyes and said. "Sumire, I love you." Then he gave me a fleeting kiss. He left me alone and he returned to lunch. For months already, Koko has been keeping space from me and he became less noisier in class. Our classmates started to ask questions but I could not give them an answer.

My problem comes in here. I don't know which I should listen to. My heart or my mind? My heart which says that I should still pursue Natsume. My mind which says that I should move on and find a new love. I am so confused. Who should I choose? Who I love or who loves me.

I have two boys in my life.

And the time has come for me to choose. One who I yearn for yet already has someone in his heart. My dream. If I wait, he may learn my feelings and learn to love me. Or one who offers me his whole heart in love. The one who knocks on my heart. If he is still loyal to wait then I may grow to love him.

All I wish is to love and to have it returned. I need help for answers and I have to reach one before I lose both.

* * *

 ** _hey! This story just popped in my mind while I was listening to a song. If you understand tagalog or you are a filipino you may know the song. The song is sung by KZ Tandingan the title is "Mahal Ko o Mahal Ako" and to clear it up the title is somewhat a translation for the title of the song. I actually listened and Sumire just came up to mind._**


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